Distracted by a horrible word

I don't want to turn this into a political debate but I was a little distracted by comments made on Facebook. We all have opinions and beliefs. That is what makes us individuals. It makes each one of us unique in our own way. But when you attack someone for their personal belief that is just wrong. We all have our our lifestyles that we choose to live, and follow the laws of the land. We should have a tolerance for each others differences.

The term used was "BIGOT" which is a harsh word in the English vocabulary no matter how it is used. Just hearing or seeing the word makes my stomach go into knots. The definition is given as 'bigot: a prejudiced person who is intolerant of any opinions differing from his own." If a person uses that term doesn't it apply to he who cast the first stone?

Like I said I don't want to turn this into a debate or something horrible like I saw on Facebook this morning. I have no tolerance for that word to be used no matter what the debate is. We all have our beliefs and can't we communicate in a logical manner without calling each other names?

19 Week Ultrasound - It's A Boy!

Ok I couldn't resist, I did find these pictures of "Little Thing" who now has grown in to "Baby Boy"! Below you can see his foot. Is that a cute little foot or what?


Here is a side view of "baby boy" Adam says he has my side of the family in is face.

Excuses Excuses!

So I have always felt that if I couldn't put pictures up when I blogged then it wasn't worth a post. I received and email today from a friend who wondered what happen to me.

Why my blog was so out of date?

Well I would like to blame it on my computer that is having a hard time, definitely needs upgrade. Next we moved into a new house in October. Yes it has been a while yet we are still moving in slowly. I got pregnant (Yippee) and spend the remaining part of last year sick. All these excuses sound really good don't they? They are valid at least to me.

So much has happened since my last post which I am going to have to go back and read because I have no idea where I left of at? Excuses, excuses that's all I have for not being good at updating what is going on in our lives.

Where do I begin? I will start off slowly and lead up to where we are now. When I have been feeling up to life I have been moving into our new home Trying to make it a home. In the beginning I was not motivated. I just looked around and felt overwhelmed by everything. This is not a natural reaction for me. I always take things head on and I think I am very organized. I can blame it on the pregnancy hormones so I will. They have taken me into a whole new realm on life. I find that I tire easy, I eat things that I normally would not eat and I look at projects and get completely overwhelmed. I have walked around with a cloud in my head and my creative inside came to a halt.

That has changed. As I am adapting to this new world of being pregnant and accepting all the wonders it has to offer. In the month of January the cloud cleared and my mind started to get motivated and so did my body. I spent the month with all my energy working on projects around the house. I have some big reveals that will be posting soon with all my hard work.

I am 28 weeks along and feel pretty good most of the time. I had an appointment today and my OB told me that I needed to bring it down a notch on my activity. OK I really thought I was. I have stopped climbing ladders and since I was sick the past 2 weeks have spent it in bed. Yet today he is telling. Take it down a notch. HMMMM> I will listen as I don't want to be put on bed rest. That would really kill my creativity inside of me. And my house will not be perfect for this baby that will arrive in 3 short months.

Sorry no pictures just yet. Excuses, excuses. The dog ate them. I will be posting pictures very soon. I need to get the Mr to help me figure out what has happened to my computer.

October 28th 2010

Little thing update!

I had my 12 week appointment and so far so good. We got to see little thing and it is looking good. We were able to see the heart beat again and confirm that the little thing is still growing. What a relief!

I have been anxious and while I am laying there and they are rubbing my belly looking for it I have a moment of panic hit. Wondering if it is still there and if it is still alive. Then within a moment those thoughts are put to ease and there is that precious little thing floating in there and the little heart beat, beating away.

I have been so tired and every time I make a trip to the great white throne to loose my lunch I am happy to do it knowing that little thing is still growing. It is just confirmation that little thing is thriving. My next appointment is just before Turkey day and then before Christmas we should know what sex little thing will be. This is my favorite time of the year and having little thing growing inside of me only make it that more special.

I am so thankful to have hit another milestone with "Little Thing"

Home Sweet Home

We have been living in our second home now for a little over a week.

This past spring we felt like we should buy a home here. But what were we thinking, we still had a home back in Colorado. We prayed about it and moved forward with this choice. Back in May we found this place the first time we walked through it we thought. HMMMM nothing special it is the same floor plan as the one we are renting. It is just way overpriced! We then found one that was quite a fixer upper and put a bid in that night. The next day they came back to tell us a offer had been put in a day before and they accepted that one. So we were back looking for a home.

We looked at places in the area and didn't seem to see anything that was what we were looking for. Then this house, the way over priced dropped about 20K in price and instantly it became interesting to us. It was the same as what we were renting and in the end it met all our needs. Plus the basement is more usable then what we were living in. So we put a bid on it. It was a short sale now that term is loosely used. It should be called a long sale as it took six months for the whole thing to go through. With allot of complications in the end, we were not sure it was even going to go through. With Adam and some great people working for us it all went through in time. Now we are enjoying the benefits of being a home owner once again. Life is good, it will be expensive for a while as there is allot of things to do on our new little treasure.

September 30, 2010 - Little Thing

This is the day of my first OB appointment. I was so nervous and excited. I kept a calm head about the whole thing not sure what the day would bring and hoping that this little thing growing inside had a good handle on life so far. My appointment was at 8 weeks. We met with our Doctor which I love btw. He is super. It was a wonderful experience to be there with Adam and have him hold my hand. I knew everything would be ok either way.

We are celebrating every little thing about this pregnancy. Every little thing will be a milestone. It is has been so far. We were able to see the heart beat and check on the little thing growing inside of me. So far so good!

This is the furthest I have carried so far. My next appointment will be in a month. We just continue to pray for this little thing to keep going. So I will be checking in with updates.

Here is what Little Thing looks like so far.

September 8, 2010

It was two weeks later that I realized my TOM had not visited. I thought maybe it was from all the stress. We are in the process of another big event that I am not able to confirm nor deny at this time. So I figure it was from stress that I had not started. As I went out to run errand I decided to stop at CVS and pick up a test. When I got home I decided to do the test. It was mid day not the best time to do it, but if I truly was pregnant then it would show RIGHT?

So I took the test. I watch and then I didn't see anything happening. I figure it was a lost cause. I went into the kitchen and put the timer on for the 3 minuets. When the alarm went off I went back into the bathroom thinking I would find a negative. I looked down and to my surprise it was positive. I was indeed pregnant. WOO HOO! I immediately went up into my bedroom and got on my knees and prayed. I thanked Heavenly Father for this miracle. I cried and just felt so wonderful inside. I could not wait for Adam to get home. All these years I had thought of clever ways to tell Adam I was pregnant. In the end I didn't I told him to go to the bathroom and something was on the counter for him to see. He was curious and went in there and comes out with the biggest smile you could ever imagine. His eyes lite up and he was just beaming. He came over to me and hugged me and held me and we just enjoyed that moment of pure joy.

Not understanding God's Plan

This past month has been a whirlwind of emotions.

Let me explain. Adam and I had to heal from the pain of last year. It took us some time before we found ourselves wanting to be back up on the adoption list. So in May we contacted LDS Family Services and began the process once again to become adoptive couple. Since we had already been approved last year we were only a transfer couple who just needed to be updated in our new state. You would think that would be a simple process right? Well, let me explain. We met with our case worker in June. We introduced ourselves and shared our experiences and told him we had an urgency to be active by the end of August. So that was the plan, to be back up and active by the end of August. We expressed understanding the process and asked him if he needed the similar things that they did in Colorado. Through out the process of our visits, phone calls, emails. One thing we kept asking our case worker was "is there anything else you need? are you sure we don't need finger print cards for this state?" It almost seemed too easy. As August approached and we finally had out home visit and all that was left was for him to write up our summery and send it to the board for review. I called weekly to follow up with him and push it to get done. I knew when the board was meeting and go confirmation from our case worker he would have it done and we would be active. I waited and watched to see if our profile was up on the site. By the 2nd day I was too impatient and called the office only to find out that our case worker needed to make a appointment to discuss our file. We set a 1230pm phone appointment that day. I worried and watched the clock until that phone call came in.

I could not believe what I was hearing. I could not believe we were not active. I could not believe that he had sat on our file and it had not been worked and the past three months was waisted. He begins to tell me that we do need finger print cards, we do need physicals, we do need more forms filled out. I was calm on the phone with him and listen and took notes. I expressed my disappointment in him and the process. I expressed our urgency to be approved and how I didn't understand he he didnt know his job and the process. I got off the phone sat there for a moment and then I just broke into tears. I felt broken once again. This pain was so deep. I have only ever felt it two other times. This feeling of empty and that I had nothing left inside of me. It is such a dark place to be. I immediately called Adam and told him all that I had learned. We decided to push it to the supervisor and file a complaint.

Two years ago when we started this process we were so afraid to file any complaints as we didn't want to be the complainer couple or have it keep us from finding a child. So we kept quiet. What I have learned over the years and I would tell anyone who is adopting. If you are not satisfied with the service you are paying for, complain. Express to them what you expect and your disappointments. It will not hurt you, but only help you get the people working for you trained. We did just that. Only the more we spoke with the supervisor the more we found out that he didn't do anything for us. Papers we signed were lost. We had emails that from the office stating they recieved documents back in June that were not any where to be found. It broke my heart even more to know that the last 3 months had been a waist of time.

At this time Adam had a scripture come to his mind. It had very special meaning to us. As we pondered all we have done to have a family. All that the past 10 years have brought us to this moment. This scripture that came to him was our Heavenly Father telling us that we have been released at this time. So Adam and I decided to not proceed with the approval. It would take another 3 month to get approved and the urgency seemed to leave us.

After feeling broken heart and through this experience I felt a sense of peace in my life. I felt that Heavenly Father loved us and it was ok. Everything would be ok.

Little did we know what was around the corner.

Almost Time

I am just dying inside to let the cat out of the bag. It is almost time for the big reveal. We have two major events going on in our life right now and it is pretty good stuff. I can't wait for the big reveal. I am thinking that I will be announcing at least one of them in the next week. But until then, I just wanted to plant a seed of excitement out there.

What looking at old pictures can do......

Where does the time go?

I sat at my computer looking through old files and found these darling pictures of our Lizzy girl. Lizzy turned eight this year. She has been such a treasure in our lives. You see Adam and I had just gone through are first try with fertility treatments at the time we brought Lizzy into our lives. We were living in a condo in the south part of Denver at the time. We were both very disappointed that the treatments had not worked and it was time to give my body a rest. I told Adam that I had love in my heart to give and that I needed something that I could love. So we talked about bringing a pet into our lives. We decided we would need to to a small pet as we were in a condo and not much room. So we decided on a breed that we thought would fit into our life. We did all the research thinking this would be the breed for us. When it came time to look for a puppy there were none to be found.

Then the day we walked into the kennels we saw her. Lizzy, she was with her brothers and they were jumping and had so much energy. But Lizzy was in the corner alone and when we looked at her. She leaned on her back and put her paws over her nose and gave us that look. "Love Me" At that moment our hearts melted and we were in love with Lizzy. A Chihuahua, we had no idea how to care for a Chihuahua. She was the size of my palm when we brought her home at 8 weeks old. Lizzy has filed that void in our lives because of her love.

A year later we decided Lizzy needed a sister. Since we were not able to give her one we were once again on the hunt for a sister for Lizzy. I went back to the Kennel we had found Lizzy and there was Roxie. She was a little bit bigger and was not as shy. You could tell she was a little stubborn. I was not sure and I called Adam and he encouraged me to get her. I just was not too sure if Roxie would work out. What I learned from Roxie is that all she needed was to be LOVED. It didn't take too long, but after time Roxie changed into the sweetest little sister you could imagine. She would just needed a little extra love and understanding.

Lizzy and Roxie are the best of friend, sisters and they each have their own personalities yet are very distinctive in who they are. They look alike and we get asked all the time if they are sister's Even though they are not from the same mother we say "Yes they are" Because over time that is what they have become to each other.

We like to refer to them as "the girls" these two little girls just don't know they are dogs. They have become a part of our family. They have filled a void in my heart. They have allowed me to give the love I was missing.

So it is fun to go through old photo's and remember: Why we are, Where we are and How we got there.

The desire to be parents is still there. We have learned so much over the years from our girls. Our family is still hoping that one day we will be able to grow, since we still have Love in our Hearts to give.This was our last family photo taken with the girls back in 2008. I think we are due for an update, what do you think?