Saturday, June 18, 2011

I thought I knew....but I didn't

It has been 7 weeks since I thought I knew but didn't have a clue. I am talking about the day Palmer arrived to our family.

The week before his arrival I made list of things I wanted to get done. In the end I was tired all the time and so it took me awhile to accomplish any task that I set. I knew I was really only good for a few hours and then I would need to take a nap. The day before I felt very confident that I was ready. My mom was to fly in that afternoon and I couldn't wait for her arrival.

As I drove to the airport to pick up my mom I was anxious to see her, I was emotional, the pregnancy hormones. When I finally spotted her after doing several drive by, I just had peace in my heart. I parked and got out of the car and greeted her. The first thing she did was take both of her hands and rubbed my belly. She looked at me with excitement and expressed how happy she was to be able to see my belly in person. I gave her a huge hug and we got her luggage in the car. On our way home we stopped at the grocery store to pick up a few items to tie us over for the next week. This was on my list of things to do, but didn't get it done before she arrived so we ended up doing it together.

I think I got about 6 hours of sleep that night. I was too excited for the next morning to arrive. I was also nervous about being late to the hospital so the three of us made up a plan to get there on time. I was scheduled to be induced on April 29th and needed to be at the hospital at 630am. As I am driving my heart is pounding out of my chest. Yes , I drove myself. We decided to take two cars to the hospital so that my mom could come home and Adam would still have a car if he needed to go somewhere.

Adam and I did a few test runs driving to the hospital ...just in case.....scenarios weeks before delivery, so it is funny how that didn't matter at 6am in the morning. The traffic was really not that bad. I parked and rushed to get check into the hospital as we were running late. They immediately took us to a room. Before I changed I got a last picture of me being pregnant in the room that our baby was delivered in. The nurses greeted us and seemed very calm and said they were here to help and not to worry. I must have look worried. I changed into a hospital gown. Not the most flattering thing, but who cares. Seriously I have stayed in hospitals way to many times to worry about the gown. It is like a second skin to me in the past.

As we waited we were trying to figure out how to work the TV. The royal wedding had already started and we wanted to see Kate's dress. We missed the wedding and saw the couple riding in the carriage. Oh well! We got to see her dress in the end. Days later we got to watch the whole thing as it was all on Hulu. The guy came in to draw blood and I have to say I don't mind needles that much, but I do mind when they can not find the vein and they dig around in there looking. I was a hack job when it was all done. Not only with him but later on with my stay and more blood was drawn later on. The IV was set and I was given Pitocin and ready to start this baby birth by 8am. They checked me and I was already 75% and so we would see how the pitocin would work. The most painful part was having the Dr. break my water. THAT WAS PAINFUL! The baby's head was so low that she had to push him up and get around him to break the water. I literally had tears in my eyes and was crying by the time that was done. I was not prepared for that, nor heard it was to be painful. I had a "I thought I knew but didn't" moment.

My body reacted wonderful to the pitocin. The contraction started to kick in not too long after. I honestly don't know how long I went before they were on top of each other. The breathing I tried to learn was not working. I then turned to my mom and said. I can't do this. I don't have it in me to do this. I guess I didn't know I could have a epidural at this time. I just felt it was too early. I tried to bear the pain. But when the thought came to me "cut him out of me or let me die" came to my mind and out of my mouth I knew I needed to ask for something.

It didn't take long for the lady with the drugs to arrive. I got out of bed and realized for that brief moment the contractions were not as bad standing as they were in bed. But the hospital rule is once you are connect to the IV and junk you are in bed. Whatever....give me something for the pain. I sat at the edge of the bed trying to curl my back, like I had seen on TV. Like I said I thought I had prepared for this. It was a crazy feeling to have them put the epidural in my back. She did a great job, it didn't take long for it to kick in and then I just sat back and relaxed. I didn't get much sleep and check on facebook and emails and made a few phone calls. It was about 3pm when I just got off the phone and finished of a message on facebook that the doctor came in and said. HMMM it is time to push. Wow, really? I couldn't feel anything and he was ready to arrive.

Adam and my mom were helping me hold my legs and encouraging me all along the way. We had the a fantastic nurse. She was a wonderful coach who encouraged me all the way. The monitors would tell us there was a contraction I would get into position and push, three pushes during each contraction. In the beginning because I could not feel if I was really pushing or not, my head felt like it was going to explode. Then I had a panic about blowing the blood vessels around my eyes. I had heard about this and the last thing I wanted was to look like I had been punched in the face. I tried not to, but it felt like they were going to. I watched the clock, it had been an hour since we started. Was this baby going to make it out? We kept at it. After about 2 hours I was feeling exhausted. I was feeling the contractions start at this point. I felt pressure, not pain. Adam, my mom and the nurse kept encouraging that I could do it. One more push I heard that for the solid time of pushing. Then they told me we could see hair on his head. I asked for the mirror to be wheeled over so I could see and that was the motivation I needed to keep going. Another 20mins and he was delivered. I pushed 2 hours and 20 mins to get that little boy out. There was just pressure and no pain. There was that moment that I waited for his cry and nothing. A pure moment of panic kicked in until I heard his first cry. They immediately put him on my chest and there was my little boy. Just perfect! I held him close to my chest and just cried. He was not clean and it didn't matter I just wanted to hold him and keep him close. I rubbed the vernix on his skin and held him until they had to take him away. I don't even remember delivering the placenta or being fixed up. I asked if I could see it and they had already discarded it. I was too focused on my son to know what else was going on in the room.

My adrenaline was soaring and for a moment I thought to myself. "This wasn't bad, I could do this again". It was not until the after effect, once the drugs wear off and the real pain kicks in. I had another "I thought I knew but didn't have a clue" moment. There are things about the experience that you just don't know about until you experience it yourself. Every woman is different, every one has their own experience and in the end as I look back. It has been seven weeks and the pain is gone and my body has healed. The whole experience is amazing. God created a woman's body and it can do what it needs to do to give life to a human being. Life is a precious gift and the woman's body is just as precious as to what it can do. Once again a "I thought I new but didn't" moment. I am so thankful for the experience of carrying Palmer and giving birth to him. From start to finish the whole experience took9 hours. 2 hours and 20 minuets of that was pushing.

I feel like a super hero for going through the whole experience!

I will be posting pictures once I can get them downloaded off my camera.

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