Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Home Sweet Home

We have been living in our second home now for a little over a week.

This past spring we felt like we should buy a home here. But what were we thinking, we still had a home back in Colorado. We prayed about it and moved forward with this choice. Back in May we found this place the first time we walked through it we thought. HMMMM nothing special it is the same floor plan as the one we are renting. It is just way overpriced! We then found one that was quite a fixer upper and put a bid in that night. The next day they came back to tell us a offer had been put in a day before and they accepted that one. So we were back looking for a home.

We looked at places in the area and didn't seem to see anything that was what we were looking for. Then this house, the way over priced dropped about 20K in price and instantly it became interesting to us. It was the same as what we were renting and in the end it met all our needs. Plus the basement is more usable then what we were living in. So we put a bid on it. It was a short sale now that term is loosely used. It should be called a long sale as it took six months for the whole thing to go through. With allot of complications in the end, we were not sure it was even going to go through. With Adam and some great people working for us it all went through in time. Now we are enjoying the benefits of being a home owner once again. Life is good, it will be expensive for a while as there is allot of things to do on our new little treasure.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

September 30, 2010 - Little Thing

This is the day of my first OB appointment. I was so nervous and excited. I kept a calm head about the whole thing not sure what the day would bring and hoping that this little thing growing inside had a good handle on life so far. My appointment was at 8 weeks. We met with our Doctor which I love btw. He is super. It was a wonderful experience to be there with Adam and have him hold my hand. I knew everything would be ok either way.

We are celebrating every little thing about this pregnancy. Every little thing will be a milestone. It is has been so far. We were able to see the heart beat and check on the little thing growing inside of me. So far so good!

This is the furthest I have carried so far. My next appointment will be in a month. We just continue to pray for this little thing to keep going. So I will be checking in with updates.

Here is what Little Thing looks like so far.

September 8, 2010

It was two weeks later that I realized my TOM had not visited. I thought maybe it was from all the stress. We are in the process of another big event that I am not able to confirm nor deny at this time. So I figure it was from stress that I had not started. As I went out to run errand I decided to stop at CVS and pick up a test. When I got home I decided to do the test. It was mid day not the best time to do it, but if I truly was pregnant then it would show RIGHT?

So I took the test. I watch and then I didn't see anything happening. I figure it was a lost cause. I went into the kitchen and put the timer on for the 3 minuets. When the alarm went off I went back into the bathroom thinking I would find a negative. I looked down and to my surprise it was positive. I was indeed pregnant. WOO HOO! I immediately went up into my bedroom and got on my knees and prayed. I thanked Heavenly Father for this miracle. I cried and just felt so wonderful inside. I could not wait for Adam to get home. All these years I had thought of clever ways to tell Adam I was pregnant. In the end I didn't I told him to go to the bathroom and something was on the counter for him to see. He was curious and went in there and comes out with the biggest smile you could ever imagine. His eyes lite up and he was just beaming. He came over to me and hugged me and held me and we just enjoyed that moment of pure joy.

Not understanding God's Plan

This past month has been a whirlwind of emotions.

Let me explain. Adam and I had to heal from the pain of last year. It took us some time before we found ourselves wanting to be back up on the adoption list. So in May we contacted LDS Family Services and began the process once again to become adoptive couple. Since we had already been approved last year we were only a transfer couple who just needed to be updated in our new state. You would think that would be a simple process right? Well, let me explain. We met with our case worker in June. We introduced ourselves and shared our experiences and told him we had an urgency to be active by the end of August. So that was the plan, to be back up and active by the end of August. We expressed understanding the process and asked him if he needed the similar things that they did in Colorado. Through out the process of our visits, phone calls, emails. One thing we kept asking our case worker was "is there anything else you need? are you sure we don't need finger print cards for this state?" It almost seemed too easy. As August approached and we finally had out home visit and all that was left was for him to write up our summery and send it to the board for review. I called weekly to follow up with him and push it to get done. I knew when the board was meeting and go confirmation from our case worker he would have it done and we would be active. I waited and watched to see if our profile was up on the site. By the 2nd day I was too impatient and called the office only to find out that our case worker needed to make a appointment to discuss our file. We set a 1230pm phone appointment that day. I worried and watched the clock until that phone call came in.

I could not believe what I was hearing. I could not believe we were not active. I could not believe that he had sat on our file and it had not been worked and the past three months was waisted. He begins to tell me that we do need finger print cards, we do need physicals, we do need more forms filled out. I was calm on the phone with him and listen and took notes. I expressed my disappointment in him and the process. I expressed our urgency to be approved and how I didn't understand he he didnt know his job and the process. I got off the phone sat there for a moment and then I just broke into tears. I felt broken once again. This pain was so deep. I have only ever felt it two other times. This feeling of empty and that I had nothing left inside of me. It is such a dark place to be. I immediately called Adam and told him all that I had learned. We decided to push it to the supervisor and file a complaint.

Two years ago when we started this process we were so afraid to file any complaints as we didn't want to be the complainer couple or have it keep us from finding a child. So we kept quiet. What I have learned over the years and I would tell anyone who is adopting. If you are not satisfied with the service you are paying for, complain. Express to them what you expect and your disappointments. It will not hurt you, but only help you get the people working for you trained. We did just that. Only the more we spoke with the supervisor the more we found out that he didn't do anything for us. Papers we signed were lost. We had emails that from the office stating they recieved documents back in June that were not any where to be found. It broke my heart even more to know that the last 3 months had been a waist of time.

At this time Adam had a scripture come to his mind. It had very special meaning to us. As we pondered all we have done to have a family. All that the past 10 years have brought us to this moment. This scripture that came to him was our Heavenly Father telling us that we have been released at this time. So Adam and I decided to not proceed with the approval. It would take another 3 month to get approved and the urgency seemed to leave us.

After feeling broken heart and through this experience I felt a sense of peace in my life. I felt that Heavenly Father loved us and it was ok. Everything would be ok.

Little did we know what was around the corner.