These past few months have been a huge trial for us with this whole adoption process. It did not run as smooth as we would have liked. Through the trial we found blessings. I mean when you are pushed so hard and are able to overcome things you grow and then find it to be a blessing from the strength that you have obtained through the trial. Of course it is not over and is a on going process. But never the less it has been hard. For both of us. We are meeting with our case worker later this week to discuss our paperwork and hopefully he will be able to compile our papers quickly to be given to the board for review. At that point once the board approves us we will be able to be active in the system for looking for our family.
I don't even know where to begin to describe how it felt to write our online profile. This has been an on going process since we walked in that day to meet with our case worker months ago. Something that has always been in the back of my mind is how do I talk to someone who is looking at the possibility of giving up a child, how do I write the words to her to see us as a potential family? How can I put this on paper and not sound desperate? How can I put who I am and what I can give to her child in words? It was the hardest profile, hardest letter that I have ever written. I only hope that it will reach the right person and she will know and be touch by what we have said and see the kind of people we really are.
What I have found from this adoption process and with the agency we chose. All the couples who are there are all exceptional, you have to be, to be approved. What makes any couple stand out over the next? Then once you have been approved to be an adoptive parent the wait begins. The prayers now go from please help us get approved to please help us and our birth mother find each other. Please give us the strength to endure!
Adam and I have been married for eight years. Six months after we were married we started to try and have a child. A year passed and I sought for help from my physician. We worked off and on with specialist through out the years. We have tried all sort of methods to help me try and conceive. As I was working with a fertility specialist I was also doing acupuncture, we went to a bio feedback guy who prescribed both Adam and myself vitamins and a diet that I still stick with today. I have taken pills, had all sorts of procedures done, given my self shots to the belly and several IUI over the years. I feel we have literally done all we can do and all my body can take in order to conceive. Each month I find my self hoping this could be the month, and then crying from the disappointment. I have to say since we have been in the process of adoption that pain has subsided. We are the unexplained fertility couple. But the pain is no longer there because I know that through adoption our family will be formed. The children that will come to us through adoption are the spirits who are destined to come to our family. We just need them to come a different way. This is why I am so grateful for the selfless woman who will choose to carry her baby to full term and then with all the love she has be able to give the child to the family of her choice knowing this child is wanted, will be loved and taken care of.
It has taken us a long time to get to this point. But now we are here, I am so excited to see what our future holds.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Happy Birthday Adam you old man you! I want to wish you the best birthday ever.
Adam and I meet for lunch today. He rode his scooter from his job to Noodles across the street from where I work so we could meet for lunch and I could get back to work in my 30 mins time frame. I quickly walked across the street to meet him. He had already ordered and the food was there when I arrived. We had a nice lunch together. I sat on the back of the scooter and he drove me back to my building. The best part is he was able to get out at a normal time from work tonight and we met at home. I had picked up a small cake and gave him his present. I bought him a leather coat. The leaher jacket he has wears is really worn out. So he was really suprise to find a new one for his birthday. We ended up going to dinner at one of his favorite restaurants, which is Macaroni Grill. We ended up getting our whole bill paid for tonight with this mile card we had and found out they no longer accept and cashed us out, so that was a nice surprise. On top of that they brought him a piece of chocolate cake with a candle and a very pretty blond sang to him in Italian HAPPY BIRTHDAY. It was a great night and I hope Adam knows how much he is loved.
We decided to take a long weekend and go away, not have to be anywhere, meet anyone and be on our time schedule not someone else’s. That is just what we did. We went to the mountains. We stayed in a quaint town a few miles from the hot springs. I really planed out this trip to be able to really enjoy and have options to do while we were away and enjoying the towns we had not been before. On our way I had plotted out some thrift stores to hit. We had trouble finding the first one then gave up. The second one was much easier and the third store well…after getting back in our car and driving a block we realized that it was the next building over from the one we had just left. We had to take a picture because all we could do was laugh at ourselves for being so silly. We went to the outlets and did a little shopping and then finally hit out destination. We checked into our hotel which was great. The first night we are there we decided to unpack our bikes and ride them into town for dinner. When we left it was light outside. We found our way to Main Street; taking a back road we hit a few speed bumps along the way. We biked up and down Main Street looking at all our restaurant choices and decided to head back to the first one on main street that Adam had originally suggested. I am so glad we ate there. It was one of those places I will always remember the meal. It was that good. It was all organic and they only used ingredient from local farmers and ranchers. Adam had this slow cooked pork with a mango chutney sauce over cheese grits. The meat melted in your mouth and all the flavors were wonderful. If only I could figure out how to make such a meal. I had this yellow squash and goat cheese Rossetto. It was amazing but I kept eating off Adam’s plate because I was floored by his food. They served crusty bread with creamy butter. It was divine. We had spent hours chatting and eating and realized that it was really dark outside and time to head back to the hotel. As we rode back to the hotel the lights seem to fade on the back roads. It became completely dark and so we slowed our speed remembering the speed bumps we had rode over to get there. It was so dark I could not see Adam in front of me. We stopped for a moment and enjoyed the stars because they were so bright and then headed back to our hotel.
The next day we found a local church to go to the services and then headed back to the hotel room to take a nap. It was so nice. When was the last time we had taken a Sunday nap? When we awoke we packed a picnic. When we had arrive to town the day before I made sure we went to the Swiss Bakery and bought some fresh bead, meat and cheese to make sandwiches with. We packed a picnic and loaded our bikes and headed to Aspen for the rest of the day. After seeing the city of Aspen we found the bike path and began our ride. We found this great stop by the creek and sat to rest and enjoy some munchies. It was so much fun. We biked this hill that I didn’t think I would be able to do, but I kept at it and made it back up without stopping to jump off. At that moment I found a really desire to bike.
The next day we planed a hike. We got up early had our breakfast that the hotel offered, packed a picnic and head to this hike that we would end at the top of waterfalls. It was a really steep hike about 1.2 miles straight up a mountain. I got the idea to video my hike for my sister’s kids who live in Germany. So check out the video if you like to see the hike. Now this is my first video and I will get better I promise. We were still learning how to use the camera so we never made the last of the hike on video but did take pictures. I have a thing that I have been telling my nephews for years now. Kind of a song actually. The tune is from Cinderella. It goes like this. “You can do it, you can do it, little __name_____ you can do it, if you put your mind to it, you can really, really do it.” The video it about putting your mind to do it. This was my first hike in years, and my first hike with my husband. We realized this weekend how much we like to hike and bike together. The weekend really showed us new interests. Adam was very sweet and would stop and rest with me to catch my breath and then we would continue on. The hike took us about 2 hours top to bottom, and it was so worth it. After the hike we then had a picnic, and then headed to the hot springs for the rest of the day. That was so nice to rest our muscles in the mineral baths for a few hours. It was the perfect day.
The last day it was time to check out of our hotel and head home. We planed to stop in Fresco and ride to Lake Dillon and back. We found a great thrift store in the town that I had not pulled up on the internet and did a little shopping. I found these great biking shorts and a purse and bought them. Then we went for our bike ride. I did another video feed of the bike ride. This time doing for all the nieces and nephews. The same about putting your mind to it and you can do it. Well, I did do it. It was a tuff ride in a few spots but I kept at it and not once did I jump off my bike because the hill was too steep. I was so proud of myself to see what I could do. After the ride we found this great sandwich shop and ate lunch. Then hit the outlets for a few stores. I got some cool workout clothes for biking and Pilates. We tried to find Adam some, but the discounted items were all too small for him.
This was the best long weekend ever. We had so much fun together. It was like we were dating again, or like little kids. We experienced a lot of first together which is amazing after being married for 8 years. Wonderful all the same! Adam is my true companion, he is my best friend and my lover. We have a saying that we say to each other. “I love you will all my young boy/girl heart” We picked it up from a movie we saw together when we were first married and say it to each other all the time. It is so true and we really experience our young hearts this weekend.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
We were convinced by a friend to see if we had a green thumb, so we planed and executed a plan to grow things. Well we tried at least. We started out looking at this magazine and order a load of berry plants. Yeah thinking oh how fun it will be to have all this fruit. Well when they arrived we didn't have any idea where we were going to put all these plant. We only had a few days to get them in the ground. We waited until that Saturday, oh I will not forget that day. It was so cold and while we were planting it started to snow. We started digging holes all over the place along the perimeter of the yard. These things looked like stick with roots and as I am putting them in the ground I really don't believe they will turn out to anything. As weeks turned in to a month one day I notice a little green sprouting out. To my surprise the bush like things were forming. Some faster than others. Then the day we actually had strawberries on the bush I had to take a picture. They were sweet and very tasty. The next were the raspberries. We enjoyed a few handfuls of those this season. The blackberry and blueberries did not produce this year but they did turn into nice size bushes and hopefully next year we will see something on them.
As for the garden I had an idea and showed Adam a plan to build a raised garden bed. Well he took the plan into consideration and build what he thought it should be. I was a little disappointed but I figured he build it, I will see if it really will work. And so it did. We had soil delivered and it was filled. The planting began. We had lots of plants and different veggies, but the only thing we harvested this year was lots and lots of Yellow Squash, Cucumbers, Tomatoes and herbs. The best part was know these were salmonella free produce. We were able to grill and roast and cook with all the fresh produce. We had more than the two of us could eat and were able to give away to friends and family.
Now the growing season is coming to an end and with our close to last harvest we found something I think you will enjoy seeing. You can decided what our cucumber looks like with your own imagination. We found two of these in there and sent one home with my parents and we kept the other one. We learned that these little plants are determined to grow in any circumstance and it did just that trying to grow through the fence. We had to cut the fence to get it out.
Back to the raspberries. One afternoon we were both out there picking veggies to eat for dinner and I found 6 raspberries on a bush. I pulled off 4 because they were perfect to eat and left the 2 because they were not quite ripe, I thought to myself I will give it a couple of days and pick them. So I gave one to Adam, I ate one myself and then I gave Lizzie (our 6lb chihuahua) one and Roxie (11lb chihuahua) one. I turned my back for a second and Adam starts to laugh and points. OMG Roxie is over at the bush and with her mouth gently pulling the 2 berries off the bush and eating them. Now Adam was convinced the dogs were eating the berries, but I seriously didn't think they had it in them to do it. I was so wrong.
We have found that we need to work on our green thumbs and will continue to try again next year. Adam wants to build another garden bed. More like the one I wanted to build earlier this year. So next year we will continue to push the green thumb and see what we can do.