Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Thoughts on our Journey thus far!

These past few months have been a huge trial for us with this whole adoption process. It did not run as smooth as we would have liked. Through the trial we found blessings. I mean when you are pushed so hard and are able to overcome things you grow and then find it to be a blessing from the strength that you have obtained through the trial. Of course it is not over and is a on going process. But never the less it has been hard. For both of us. We are meeting with our case worker later this week to discuss our paperwork and hopefully he will be able to compile our papers quickly to be given to the board for review. At that point once the board approves us we will be able to be active in the system for looking for our family.

I don't even know where to begin to describe how it felt to write our online profile. This has been an on going process since we walked in that day to meet with our case worker months ago. Something that has always been in the back of my mind is how do I talk to someone who is looking at the possibility of giving up a child, how do I write the words to her to see us as a potential family? How can I put this on paper and not sound desperate? How can I put who I am and what I can give to her child in words? It was the hardest profile, hardest letter that I have ever written. I only hope that it will reach the right person and she will know and be touch by what we have said and see the kind of people we really are.

What I have found from this adoption process and with the agency we chose. All the couples who are there are all exceptional, you have to be, to be approved. What makes any couple stand out over the next? Then once you have been approved to be an adoptive parent the wait begins. The prayers now go from please help us get approved to please help us and our birth mother find each other. Please give us the strength to endure!

Adam and I have been married for eight years. Six months after we were married we started to try and have a child. A year passed and I sought for help from my physician. We worked off and on with specialist through out the years. We have tried all sort of methods to help me try and conceive. As I was working with a fertility specialist I was also doing acupuncture, we went to a bio feedback guy who prescribed both Adam and myself vitamins and a diet that I still stick with today. I have taken pills, had all sorts of procedures done, given my self shots to the belly and several IUI over the years. I feel we have literally done all we can do and all my body can take in order to conceive. Each month I find my self hoping this could be the month, and then crying from the disappointment. I have to say since we have been in the process of adoption that pain has subsided. We are the unexplained fertility couple. But the pain is no longer there because I know that through adoption our family will be formed. The children that will come to us through adoption are the spirits who are destined to come to our family. We just need them to come a different way. This is why I am so grateful for the selfless woman who will choose to carry her baby to full term and then with all the love she has be able to give the child to the family of her choice knowing this child is wanted, will be loved and taken care of.

It has taken us a long time to get to this point. But now we are here, I am so excited to see what our future holds.

1 comment:

Piper said...


That post was amazingly moving and heartfelt. I know it seems like the blink of an eye compared to what you have been through, but I feel I can relate in some small way since it took us longer to conceive each time- three full years this time. But it was not our first, so the pain was not nearly so deep. I love you guys and I know that you are on the right path. May you be united soon with that dear sweet spirit who has been waiting so long to come join your family.