Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Could this Really Happen Twice?

August 5th was a big day for us. I was so excited for Adam to get home from work. I had news to share with him. To my suprise he got- home from work early that day. He had a big suprise for me as well.

He announced to me that he was laid off from his job and I announced to him that I was pregnant again. What a day. We were going to have a baby and he was jobless. We were excited and nervous.

A few weeks later we got a call that we had been chosen again to adopt a boy who was 2 weeks old at the time. It was on a Friday that I found out. Without thought we accepted and very excited about the possibility of being parents, but not only having one but 2 kids who would be only 8 months apart. That Saturday we went to the temple. While I was in the temple a thought came to me of what this boy should be named. I leaned over to Adam to tell him.

That evening we got an email from the birth father asking us to name the baby and that they wanted the birth certificate issued on Monday. So we emailed him back right away as we had already been prompted as to what his name should be. Everything seems to be going like it should and then on that Wednesday we get a call that it is all on hold and the child is no longer up for adoption. Weeks passed and we prayed and pondered about what had happened. In the process I was receiving treatment for my pregnancy. I was able to see it before she had a heart beat and then I went in again 2 weeks later where we heard her heartbeat. Then following week I went in and that is when I found out I had miscarried again. Not only did we loose the adoption but we miscarried once again. I thought to myself who goes through this kind of stuff? What are the chances of having 2 miscarriages and 2 failed adoptions with in 5 months? I cried and cried for our lost. For the dream that was lost of being a parent. The pain was real and the trial has been never ending. This time I saw hope. Hope that it will happen again, it will just not happen today. I felt alone for quite a while. I felt that the Spirit was gone from me. I could not feel his prompting and I felt dead inside. This time I tried so hard not to let the pain consume me like before.

Adam and I visited the temple often and prayed that the Lord would direct our life. Adam had been looking for work since May as he had know something was going to happen to his employment, we just never thought it would happen this soon. Then an opportunity came from back East. We talked about it and I told him that if it worked out why not? With much prayer we decided to open the job search Nation Wide. Within 3 weeks of this choice. Adam received 4 job offers with in days of each other. One of the job offers that came in was the first job that got us even thinking about moving. We knew this was what we needed to do and went for it.

In this process I started to feel alive again. I could feel the small promptings of the spirit back in my life. I was starting to feel again. Adam and I discussed on what to do about moving our life to Virginia. So within 3 weeks we packed up our lives and moved to Virginaia.

2 comments:

Joe and Brittany said...

Hi Nikki!

I saw your blog on your facebook, I hope you don't mind me taking a peak :0)

I had no idea that you guys were going through all that! You are such an amazing strong women! I'm so happy that you continue to have hope! Heavenly Father loves the two of you so much, and I KNOW he has a plan for the two of you! Just keep having faith :)

There's an adoption blog that I read...you've probably already heard of it, but incase you haven't, www.therhouse.blogspot.com
I heart this blog! Joe and I may have to adopt someday (we fertility issues), and I have learned so much through this blog!

Joe just turned the lights out, so I guess I better go ;) I guess our husbands give hints the same way LOL!!

Rachael said...

I cried when I read your post. You are such an amazing woman and I really admire your strength. We miss you both, but I am glad that things are working out so well for you. {{{HUGS}}}