I may have not acted too concerned last week about the appointment, but in all reality it was eating me up inside. I was worried and yes bit off all my nails this week when I thought about it. I tried to remain calm and act like it was no big deal. Inside I was dying to know if there was a problem with the baby or me. Over the years I have had medical problems and things like to grow inside of me that shouldn't. I have been told in the past that if I had been pregnant when a growth had started I could have died from it. Those things are hard to let go. So those worries stick with me. I am not all doom and gloom. Just cautious about what could happen. So whenever I hear that something is growing inside of me I think of what it could do to me or this child and that is why I was so nervous inside.
As I sat in the waiting room for my appointment. I couldn't be apart of the conversation that Adam was having with my cousin Shelby. I was just nervous. So I found a People's magazine and tried to get lost in all the drama of the stars. Then my name was called and we went back. I changed into the gown. The tech immediately came in and dimmed the lights and we began the ultrasound.
There is that moment when I hold my breath just before I see his heart beat. Each time I do that. It has become a natural instinct for me. The air is released once I see or hear this little guys heart. He looked just beautiful to me. She immediately sees the Fibroid and confirms that is has not grown. That is not a problem, it has stayed the same size as it was at 19 weeks. What a relief. It has moved and now is just above his head yet there is still cushing from him and the Fibroid. So all is well. Then she starts to look at the baby and checking him out. He is moving around all over the place. He will not keep his arms still and his one of his feet is up by his head. We can't get a good picture of him. He is turned away from us. The tech tries to manipulate him and get him to move, but this kid will not change his position.
Once the measurements are all in and the computer does it's magic we find out that Baby boy is weighing in at 5lbs so far. He is 2 weeks ahead of schedule with his growth. Which is why I measured so large last week. It was baby boy not the fibroid. He is going to be a big boy. As she tells me he has a big head and lots of brains in there and at this rate he could turn into a 9lbs baby. I have a rush of panic go through me about the pain of passing this baby. This is what I have been praying for is to have a strong healthy baby. So baby Boy, keep growing I will deal with the pain, just come to us.
Now the panic is setting in as the time draws closer and the reality is this baby is really coming and he could survive now if he did come early. I am really having a baby boy and he is real. I guess it is time to register at Babies R Us, complete the nursery and plan for his arrival.
I can't wait to be a mommy, I can't wait to meet this precious little guy and give him all that I have inside of me. I wondered when I would start feeling his spirit. I now feel his presence as our spirits have spoken to each other and I can't wait to be able to hold him in my arms and just love him with everything inside of me.
NOTE: We did get a CD yesterday of the appointment. I will go through and see if there is anything good to share and post that later today or this week. As you know I really do like to post pictures with my posts.